(Big Sky Video/Beyond)

As bad as reading The Wheel Of Time in one sitting

After the success of Peter Jackson’s Lord Of The Rings films everyone expected a glut of fantasy movies that never quite happened. Instead we just got loads more epics. Maybe the film-makers were still doing penance for the fantasy movies of the ’80s, which produced only a handful of decent films (The Princess Bride, most notably) and a whole lot of rubbish. The Sword And The Sorcerer is a perfect example of the latter, unfortunately. The predictable and paper-thin plot has Talon (Lee Horsley), the son of a murdered king, returning for revenge against his family’s killer, the evil Cromwell (Richard Lynch). Many of the characters have pseudo-historical names to clue you in on their one-note personalities; along with Cromwell there’s the good King Richard and the Machiavellian double-dealer Machelli. Talon himself is a creepy hero who extorts sex out of a princess (Kathleen Beller) in return for joining her rebellion. He leers and swaggers his way through scenes greasily, punching legions of comically inept guards even when carrying a sword because the budget doesn’t cover more than a handful of duels. The thin budget also means we only see battlefields after the battles, the special effects are laughable and the costumes are barely there (especially the women’s). Between the cheap effects and the profusion of neckbeards and porn moustaches among the cast there’s enough to laugh at on bad movie night, but only if you’re patient.

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JODY MACGREGOR

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