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 In cinemas now (3D in selected cinemas) [MA15+]
Director: David R Ellis
Runtime: 82mins
The idea of resurrecting the Final Destination franchise is far scarier than any horror movie could be. After all, what terrors could come next? More I Know What You Did Last Summers? More Urban Legends. Late ‘90s teen slasher films are exactly where they belong – dead and buried. The title boasts this will be THE Final Destination, yet most of us assumed there would never be a forth one anyway. And if this one makes money, you can bet there will soon be a THE THE Final Destination, and so forth. Negativity aside, The Final Destination continues the tradition of the earlier films, providing plenty of blood splatter and gore, and this time it’s in 3D.
The plot reads exactly the same as the last three films, with a few (very) minor adjustments. Death has a plan – a plan to kill off a bunch of stereotypical characters at one of those noisy, fraught-with-danger car-racing events. Death’s plan seems to be going well, sharp tools are falling onto the racetrack, fences are loosening and the viewing area is crumbling under the vibrations of the car race. Death even has time to relax, maybe watch some of the race, grab a Pepsi, but Death forgot about overly sensitive teenagers who have premonitions of the future. Death hadn’t taken anything away from the first three films. Nick (Bobby Campo) catches a glimpse of the immediate doom, and warns the people around him, they escape, the place explodes, and Death is not impressed. How not impressed? Very. So much so that it comes after the survivors one by one, killing them in increasingly elaborate ways. And this is why we watch.
If you’d seen the first films, you’d know what I know – the Final Destination movies are a guilty pleasure that we non-discerning cinemagoers secretly love. Not for the plot (which seemed to go out the window in the first 25 minutes of the original film), not for the scares (there aren’t any). We watch this poorly made crap for the same reason people watch porn movies, because it serves a purpose. We wanna see people get squished. Stabbed. Nail gunned. Dismembered. And if that is what you wanna see, then Final Destination is a great place to see it. Sure the film is bad, and the acting is also bad, and true, there is no plot. But how can you complain? That would be like complaining the porno you rented had poor acting and no plot. You saw what you came to see. With guilt etched in your face, go return it to the video shop.
There could certainly be improvements to The Final Destination. Death, for instance, would be better played as a big Monty Python-type Grim Reaper rather than a slightly cool breeze, and best death scene (in my opinion) was in the second film (log to the face), and was not surpassed this time. But there are some nice homages to the series throughout, and the title sequence gives a great 3D recap of the deaths from the previous film. The death scenes, as always, are disgusting, and even more so when the blood comes flying at your 3D glasses.
Is The Final Destination good? No. It’s horrible. But it is fun, and gross, and very enjoyable. We should be ashamed of ourselves.
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BROOKE BURGESS
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