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 (Shock)
Sometimes a release comes your way, and after appropriate deliberation the only sane response is to run out into the street, hold it aloft and scream, "WHAT ARE YOU?"
Bionic Showdown is just such a release. Lee Majors, a sentient pair of cocked eyebrows with the tan of a Gold Coast retiree, headlines this 1989 telemovie reunion between Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man, and Lindsay Wagner’s Bionic Woman, which also features a young Sandra Bullock as the face of a new generation of unspectacular network TV superheroics.
The plot involves our heroes being framed for the theft of bionic secrets then going on the lam to clear their names, pursued by their former agency, OSI, and features dialogue riper than a sock full of stilton (“I’ve been in this wheelchair since before I could even say ‘congenital defect’”, being a particularly choice example).
It's safe to assume these characters have some kind of cult following, insofar as it’s safe to assume that at this point just about every piece of Western cultural effluvium has a special corner of the internet where its fans gather to post, say, hypnotic .gifs of Steve Austin running endlessly in slow motion or stories about he and Oscar Goldman’s torrid but physically implausible affair (but enough about my LiveJournal). That aside, Bullock is the only conceivable reason for Bionic Showdown to have been dragged kicking and screaming from whatever forgotten archive it's been gathering dust in for the last 22 years, but are fans of The Proposal any more likely to watch this than Demolition Man (which they actually should watch because it’s awesome)? Only the ones against whom Ms. Bullock is already in the process of filing restraining orders.
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ROB NEWCOMBE
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