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 Forget the ARIAs. DARRAGH MURRAY chats to representatives from BALL PARK MUSIC, THE BELLIGERENTS, LAST DINOSAURS and THE JUNGLE GIANTS to discuss their nominations for the music industry’s most prestigious awards, Rave’s inaugural Stars Of Track & Field Award.
The mainstream music press would have you believe that the pinnacle of a musician’s career is popular recognition as a master of their craft. Crucially, this ignores some of the most powerful desires of the musician: the craving to outdo their artistic colleagues in a range of obscure sports and activities.
With tongues-in-cheeks, Rave gathered together a panel of experts drawn from the forthcoming boutique music extravaganza, Track & Field, to put forth their band’s nominations for the most prestigious awards ceremony around.
THE PANEL
Sam Cromack writes songs for Ball Park Music. He’s also a former Australasian champion in competitive egg and spoon racing.
Dan Koyama plays drums in Last Dinosaurs, a skill learned solely through repeat listenings of Bruce Springsteen’s classic record, Nebraska.
Sam Hales plays guitar and sings in The Jungle Giants. He’s also a retired Greco-roman wrestler.
When not judging episodes of So You Think You Can Dance, Andy Balzat bashes keys for locals The Belligerents.
THE ROOTS MANUVA AWARD
For the most likely to win an egg & spoon race.
Before UK Rapper Roots Manuva invested in rhymes, he was a prominent South London egg’n’spoon racer, an elite sport in which Brisbane has a proud tradition.
And the nominees are:
Cesira Aitken – The Jungle Giants
Sam Hales: “After spending years studying physics and aeronautical science, Cesira has really been honing in her skills to perform useful tasks. If anyone were to win an egg and spoon race, it’d be her - either from punching out the other contestants or through sheer genius.”
James Griffin – The Belligerents
Andy Balzat: “James used to represent Sunshine Coast Sunchasers in their mini-Olympics through high school and pretty much won every running race. An egg and spoon cannot deny that record.”
Stu McCullough – Last Dinosaurs (manager)
Dan Koyama: “Our manager Stu is a fitness freak and he has a nice kitchen so I imagine he does a lot of cooking, sometimes with spoons and eggs. If you put those two together it’s obvious that he’d win this race easily.”
Jennifer Boyce – Ball Park Music
Sam Cromack: “Although highly capable of showing extreme aggression and hyperactivity, I have also witnessed Miss Boyce display incredible calmness. She would win with modesty but may eat the egg afterwards – it contains no gluten.”
Winner: Jennifer Boyce. Sufferers of gluten-intolerance, rejoice! A new egg and spoon hero has been born!
THE SPRINGSTEEN PRIZE
For the most likely to win the 100-metre dash dressed as a hobo.
The Boss once sang “tramps like us, baby we were born to run” encouraging healthy lifestyle choices amongst fellow vagrants. Now, we honour such spirit through The Springsteen Prize.
And the nominees are:
Dean Hanson – Ball Park Music
SC: “I’m sensing two important things here: the ability to dress like a hobo and the ability to run. The first important feature of hobo is the beard, meaning that this one will have to go to Dean. He’d not be likely to win the race, but it’s about time he earned some public recognition of his facial hair achievements!”
White Stag – The Belligerents
AB: His calves are bulging and his overall athletic physique is flawless. Even dressed in hobo clothes, he’s still a white version of Carl Lewis.
Sam Gethin-Jones – Last Dinosaurs
DK: “This is a tough one but I’ll give it to Sam our bass player. He likes wearing his BBC track pants a lot, and he probably pulls off the hobo look the best. He is no slouch in the 100-metre dash either.”
Keelan Bijker – The Jungle Giants
SH: “Keelan has extremely elongated legs and his massive pins suggest a killer stride. Combine these with the clothes he already has in his wardrobe, you will no doubt have an unbeatable hobo-esque sprinter. He once jumped over an entire city.”
Winner: Keelan Bijker. A tough call, but a vagrant who can vault an entire city? A shoe-in.
THE YORKIE
For the most inappropriate dancing style.
Remember Thom Yorke’s dance in the Lotus Flower film clip? Well, this award is pretty self-explanatory then.
And the nominees are:
Sam Hales of The Jungle Giants
SH: Sam considers himself a veteran when it comes to the bar/club scene but his uncoordinated movements and facial expressions have proved useless. He has developed a theory that if he makes it look like he’s just taking the piss, people think he’s funny. Sam is now confident that his dream of kissing a girl on the lips will one day come true.
Sam Cromack of Ball Park Music
SC: I know my fellow band mates will forgive me when I nominate myself here. They are subjected to my exquisite dancing more than they’d like to be and I’m yet to sense any competitive rivalry. No one seems to want to try to out-dance me.
JP Fung, Engineer (Last Dinosaurs)
DK: This award should be given to our favourite engineer JP Fung. We didn’t really know about his dancing talents until we went on a trip to our hallowed farm, and one night, after drinking, he exploded with energy. His dancing was amazing as well as his impersonation of Bon Scott.
Lewis Stephenson of The Belligerents
AB: At an all ages gig up the coast, Lewis invited a girl on stage, and danced a form of interpretive salsa with her. She was 12 years old and it was awkward.
Winner: Another tough call here, but the award has to go to both Lewis Stephenson and JP Fung. So congratulations to Lewis, for risking federal prison for the sake of interpretative salsa, and Fung, for his embarrassing destruction of the memory of Bon Scott.
BALL PARK MUSIC, THE BELLIGERENTS, LAST DINOSAURS and THE JUNGLE GIANTS, along with heaps more, all play as part of the boutique music night Track & Field at The Old Museum on Saturday Jun 4. Tickets are $25.50+bf available from www.oztix.com.au.
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